What are the common reasons why people divorce?
People end up in divorce court because they wait too long to find solutions to the problems in their marriage. We are a nation of highly independent people. That independence stands in the way of us being able to humble ourselves and ask for help. Would you try to perform surgery on yourself if you were told your appendix needed to be taken out?
- People think they can fix their problems alone. If you don’t have the skills needed to work through the problem it doesn’t matter how hard you try to work at it. We must admit to needing help.
- Most couples do not know how to fight fairly. Once the fighting begins, someone often gets over-whelmed with the idea that someone who loves them would criticize them. Fighting can be healthy for a relationship, as long as there isn’t any name calling, aggressive behavior, excessive withdrawal from their partner, or inability to forgive.
- Roles change over time, people grow and change. At times, one partner may be in control of the finances, at other times you may be. The inability to be flexible and relinquish control is big.
- People are too quick to seek comfort somewhere else. People believe if my needs are not being met, it is ok to go outside of the relationship. If you are unhappy, work on yourself, work on how you behave in the relationship and things will change.
- Looking for a quick fix, if you can’t fix it quickly, many people just decide to dispose of the relationship. Ultimately, looking at things in this way, result in you bringing those same problems into your next relationship.
- Believing that this person will take care of all of your needs is un-realistic. No one can take care of all your needs and fix any and all pains from your past. We marry expecting someone else to make us happy, instead of making our own selves happy.
Trying to fix our marriages ourselves, without some form of researched guidance, prior to going to divorce court, is the same metaphorically. You can’t fix your problems doing the same things you have been doing. According to the Encyclopedia of American Psychology, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The most common reasons people give for their divorce are inability to communicate, too much arguing, cheating, marrying too young, unrealistic expectations, lack of balance/equality in the relationship, lack of preparation for marriage, finances, lack of intimacy and abuse.
Typically, once a couples has made the decision to separate/divorce they have lost faith in their partner and the happiness and joy that brought them together has eroded to a point of no return. Couples often experience too much arguing, cheating, disrespect, abuse, lack of communication and understanding with no support or expert help over the course of the years of this transpired.
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